More Than Good Enough

Righteous.... upright or moral, acting in an upright way.

Many years ago my dad was diagnosed with colon cancer. His initial reaction was not one of strength or fortitude, therefore, neither was mine, my moms, or my sisters.  I remember falling to my knees with a feeling of hopelessness. Did I believe God was there? Absolutely!  My family decided to begin a daily prayer time, we would all pray the same prayer, based on one of God's promises, at the same time each day.  The first promise that we chose was James 5: 15-16  And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up.  If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. This is where my ideas about prayer came crashing down around me.  I found myself asking "What is prayer?"  I found myself questioning my role in prayer; Isn't God all knowing, all powerful, all loving?  Why do I need to pray and what difference is it really going to make?  Ultimately I did not feel righteous enough to pray for healing.  Righteous enough....  I know what you are thinking, but honestly I did not feel upright or moral enough to expect God to cure my dad from cancer just because I asked. I scoured the Family Christian Book Store for books on prayer and read them all.  Maybe if I found the perfect prayer, with the most perfect wording, and I kneeled just so in the perfect location, then God would hear and answer my prayer.  Finally, I think God had enough of watching me blow aimlessly in the breeze and I recall clearly the day Focus on the Family's monthly magazine arrived in the mail.  James Dobson, Ph.D. and then Chairman of Focus, in his opening thoughts, wrote "God wants us to come before Him in prayer".   In his article he quoted C.S. Lewis.....
Can we believe that God ever really modifies His action in response to the suggestions of men? For infinite wisdom does not need telling what is best, and infinite goodness needs no urging to do it.
But neither does God need any of those things that are done by finite agents, whether living or inanimate.  He could, if He chose, repair our bodies miraculously without food; or give us food without the aid of farmers, bakers and butchers; or knowledge without the aid of learned men; or convert the heathen without missionaries.
Instead, He allows soils and weather and animals and the muscles, minds and wills of men to cooperate with the execution of His will . . . It is not really stranger, nor less strange, that my prayers should affect the course of events than my other actions should do so. They have not advised or changed God's mind --- that is, His overall purpose.  But that purpose will be realized in different ways according to the actions, including the prayers, of His creatures.

For me, this clearly answered my questions regarding praying to our omniscient God, but what about my feelings of unworthiness?  A dear friend pointed out the following verse.
Philippians 1:11  ... filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ -- to the glory and praise of God.
This friend gently asked me "Do you mean to say that Jesus gave His life as atonement for our sins but it wasn't enough for your sin?"  I truly could not understand how I did not see it before.  I guess I wasn't looking until I had a crisis of faith.  I am so thankful that God loves us so much that He will not leave us in our doubt for long.  In His timing, for His purpose!

It has been a long road for my family, and not always an easy one, but He has allowed us more time with our dad and for that I am eternally grateful.  Prayer has become more than common table and bedtime prayers. God has used this trial to draw us closer to Him, and although I would not wish this on anyone, I would not want to trade the relationship gained.