Psalm 64 - Words Matter

THE GIFT OF WORDS - WORDS MATTER

By Kristen Ivy

“Did you know . . ?”

“Has anyone ever told you . . ?”

I don’t know your story, but if I had to guess you can remember a time when someone said something to you that started something like that. The funny thing is that so often these life-changing phrases are followed by something that seems more ordinary than extraordinary—at least to the one who speaks them.

About ten years ago, I started my career as a High School English teacher. And I’ll never forget this one student from my third period class. He was quiet, unsocial, and on a number of medications. He usually wore a volcom sweatshirt, kept his head down and never participated. Then one day, he turned in a story I was sure he had plagiarized. This story was so good, so well-written, I just knew it couldn’t be his work.

After hours of investigating, I discovered that it was his writing. So I did what any teacher would have done: I told him he was a good writer.

A year into college, he wrote me this letter:

Prior to my sophomore year, I really had no idea as to where I would be going in life. My depression among other things was a factor in that, but I really didn’t see what sort of skill I had that would be beneficial to society, I felt as if I had nothing to offer.

Well, I finally discovered that skill (which ultimately lead to others) when you gave me a few words of encouragement after reading that convoluted little story I turned in as a creative writing assignment. Everything and Nothing was its name, and it was the worst thing that I have ever written. But, this terrible little story contained something unseen to myself, but not to you. You said I had “potential”.

He went on to talk about his newfound confidence because when he started writing… he discovered something about his potential.

It changed the way he saw himself.

It moved him in a better direction.

That’s what words do. They move us in a direction.

Most of the time kids don’t just discover they are gifted musicians, talented artists, great writers, smart programmers, skilled athletes, articulate communicators . . .

Someone tells them. Someone comes along and says:

“Hey, did you know . . ?”

“I’ve noticed this about you . . .”

“Has anyone ever told you . . ?”

Every kid needs to discover their unique potential. A generation of twenty-somethings are growing up with a lack of direction because they aren’t sure what they are gifted to do. As parents, our words probably won’t guarantee our children’s admission to an ivy league college or first draft pick in the NBA, BUT we do have an unbelievable opportunity to speak words into our children’s lives that will set them up to win. Our words can help them discover who they were created to be and how they can offer something meaningful to the world. Our words can help them begin to define who they are and discover new things about their gifts and talents.

So – This week – give your kid the gift of WORDS. Tell them something that will move them in a direction.

TIME MATTERS

By Kristen Ivy

I hate the clock.

No. Really. My stepdad collects them. But I ignore them. Ask anyone who knows me at all. When it comes to time management, I’m the worst they’ve ever met. If I tell you, “I’ll be there in five,” it usually means I still need to transfer clothes to the dryer, look for my phone, get the kids dressed for school, brush my teeth, look for my keys, put the kids in the car, go back inside the house to find my phone, and then I will be on my way. It still hasn’t sunk in yet—all of THAT might take longer than five minutes.

In my daily fight against the clock, there’s a couple of things I’ve learned:

Time is moving. I can’t stop it. I can’t trick it. I can’t manipulate, cajole, or woo it to change. Time moves at it’s own pace regardless of my schedule or my priorities.

There may be no better example of how time moves than watching a kid grow up.This past year, my son turned four. That may not sound like a big deal to you. But I promise you, he was born yesterday. It’s like in the “five minutes” it took me to get out of the house for the day, he learned to talk, ride a bike, and tell knock-knock jokes. For some reason, this birthday hit me in a new way.

The day before, I just kept thinking “this is the last day I will ever know Sawyer as a three-year-old. Tomorrow, he will be four.” And I wondered, “Did we do everything we should have done for him in this season of his life?”

Do you have those moments, too? That’s when the panic sets in. Right?

Most of the time, I’m not thinking about how fast he is growing. But then, something happens like a birthday or a first day of school. . . And there’s that moment of panic. What if I missed a step?

That’s why I love Psalm 90:12. “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”

Actually, I’m not really sure what that’s supposed to mean: “to number your days.” It sounds a little fatalistic. But I do know that as parents, we have a limited number of days to influence our children before they grow up, move out, and become adults.

But that doesn’t have to make us panic. When we number the days, it can actually help us relax—because we know the number of days. We can pay attention. We don’t have to wait and feel surprised when they turn eight, and twelve, and fifteen and twenty-two. We see it coming and trust that the investments we make today are having a lasting impact.

So this week – relax.

You don’t have to make the most of every minute with your kid. You can’t. It’s just not possible. And if you try, it might drive you and everyone around you crazy.

But you can make the most of each week. By showing up in their world and being present, you are creating history with them. You are making memories that will lay a foundation for their future.

By being present this week, you are reminding them they have value, they are a unique individual, they belong and have purpose.

You are making small investments that will add up over time because TIME has a cumulative effect.

So keep doing what you are doing.

The clock is ticking, but the good news is that TIME may be the best platform you have for investing in the life of your son or daughter. What you do this week matters.

For 3 more practical ideas on how to make your time count visit an older post entitled
3 Practical Habits To Make Time Matter More

Follow the rest of the conversation on Playing For Keeps as Reggie, Kristen, and others talk about the 6 things every kid needs over time. Over the next couple of weeks, we will continue to talk about how kids need Love, Words, Stories, Tribes, and Fun OVER TIME!

Dogs over time = Devotion

Last Friday marked another milestone in our family of adult children. My middle daughter Sarah graduated this weekend from art school with a degree in ‘Image.’ (A focus in photography and videography as you probably guessed). I think her dream job would be to spend the rest of her life taking pictures of people’s pets. I keep trying to explain that animals will probably not pay the bills, but she has an authentic love and appreciation for any breed of canines.

You have to admit, dogs have a unique ability to make you feel like you matter when no one else in the world seems to care. They are confidential, uncritical and constant. I have watched all my kids grow up with dogs as faithful companions. There were times I got the sense that those dogs knew things I would never find out. A good dog over time can show you what devotion looks like. It’s interesting how the right pooch can seem to meet an intrinsic need that people have to feel loved.Maybe that’s because we are all created to need LOVE. That means the kids and teenagers around you were also designed to love and be loved. So, you are in a unique position to demonstrate the incredible thing that LOVE over TIME can really do in the life of a kid.

That’s why LOVE over TIME happens to be the best strategy to help kids know they matter. When you love them consistently. When you show up in their life week after week to demonstrate they are a priority to you. When you love them faithfully in spite of their behavior or their performance.

LOVE over TIME does something amazing. Love over TIME is the best way to give a childWORTH. And here’s something else to consider:

Maybe love matters more in the life of a kid than it does in the life of an adult.

This past year, I had two friends both take their lives. One was 23. One was 48. They both shared a common dilemma. They didn’t know how to love themselves. They were both smart, attractive, determined people who tried really hard at life. But something was broken when they were young that stacked the odds against them. I’m not qualified to explain how or why.

But here’s a point to consider. Kids need to learn to love themselves while they’re kids. Kids desperately need adults who will love them in a way that will convince them that they are worth something when they are young. If kids don’t feel loved when they are young, they may never love themselves in healthy way. And if they never learn to love themselves, they may ultimately self-destruct.

So, the way you love kids while they’re kids can dramatically affect their future.
That’s why we need more adults to step it up and Play for Keeps.

It’s time to get serious about loving the children around you.

Most research seems to suggest the younger the recipient, the more powerful the impact. So prove to them that they are loved while you have the chance.

And also, keep this in the back of your mind: the window of time in their life as kids and teenagers is a critical opportunity for us to give them the sense of worth and value they will need to face life as adults. If you are showing up in the life of kid or teenager each week, then what you are doing is extremely important – just remember how you love them now will affect how they feel loved later.

When it comes to love, if we are playing for keeps, then every time you see a puppy playing with a child remember what love over time can do.
Orangeparents.org

Psalm 5 - Truth over lies!