TIME MATTERS

By Kristen Ivy

I hate the clock.

No. Really. My stepdad collects them. But I ignore them. Ask anyone who knows me at all. When it comes to time management, I’m the worst they’ve ever met. If I tell you, “I’ll be there in five,” it usually means I still need to transfer clothes to the dryer, look for my phone, get the kids dressed for school, brush my teeth, look for my keys, put the kids in the car, go back inside the house to find my phone, and then I will be on my way. It still hasn’t sunk in yet—all of THAT might take longer than five minutes.

In my daily fight against the clock, there’s a couple of things I’ve learned:

Time is moving. I can’t stop it. I can’t trick it. I can’t manipulate, cajole, or woo it to change. Time moves at it’s own pace regardless of my schedule or my priorities.

There may be no better example of how time moves than watching a kid grow up.This past year, my son turned four. That may not sound like a big deal to you. But I promise you, he was born yesterday. It’s like in the “five minutes” it took me to get out of the house for the day, he learned to talk, ride a bike, and tell knock-knock jokes. For some reason, this birthday hit me in a new way.

The day before, I just kept thinking “this is the last day I will ever know Sawyer as a three-year-old. Tomorrow, he will be four.” And I wondered, “Did we do everything we should have done for him in this season of his life?”

Do you have those moments, too? That’s when the panic sets in. Right?

Most of the time, I’m not thinking about how fast he is growing. But then, something happens like a birthday or a first day of school. . . And there’s that moment of panic. What if I missed a step?

That’s why I love Psalm 90:12. “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”

Actually, I’m not really sure what that’s supposed to mean: “to number your days.” It sounds a little fatalistic. But I do know that as parents, we have a limited number of days to influence our children before they grow up, move out, and become adults.

But that doesn’t have to make us panic. When we number the days, it can actually help us relax—because we know the number of days. We can pay attention. We don’t have to wait and feel surprised when they turn eight, and twelve, and fifteen and twenty-two. We see it coming and trust that the investments we make today are having a lasting impact.

So this week – relax.

You don’t have to make the most of every minute with your kid. You can’t. It’s just not possible. And if you try, it might drive you and everyone around you crazy.

But you can make the most of each week. By showing up in their world and being present, you are creating history with them. You are making memories that will lay a foundation for their future.

By being present this week, you are reminding them they have value, they are a unique individual, they belong and have purpose.

You are making small investments that will add up over time because TIME has a cumulative effect.

So keep doing what you are doing.

The clock is ticking, but the good news is that TIME may be the best platform you have for investing in the life of your son or daughter. What you do this week matters.

For 3 more practical ideas on how to make your time count visit an older post entitled
3 Practical Habits To Make Time Matter More

Follow the rest of the conversation on Playing For Keeps as Reggie, Kristen, and others talk about the 6 things every kid needs over time. Over the next couple of weeks, we will continue to talk about how kids need Love, Words, Stories, Tribes, and Fun OVER TIME!

Dogs over time = Devotion

Last Friday marked another milestone in our family of adult children. My middle daughter Sarah graduated this weekend from art school with a degree in ‘Image.’ (A focus in photography and videography as you probably guessed). I think her dream job would be to spend the rest of her life taking pictures of people’s pets. I keep trying to explain that animals will probably not pay the bills, but she has an authentic love and appreciation for any breed of canines.

You have to admit, dogs have a unique ability to make you feel like you matter when no one else in the world seems to care. They are confidential, uncritical and constant. I have watched all my kids grow up with dogs as faithful companions. There were times I got the sense that those dogs knew things I would never find out. A good dog over time can show you what devotion looks like. It’s interesting how the right pooch can seem to meet an intrinsic need that people have to feel loved.Maybe that’s because we are all created to need LOVE. That means the kids and teenagers around you were also designed to love and be loved. So, you are in a unique position to demonstrate the incredible thing that LOVE over TIME can really do in the life of a kid.

That’s why LOVE over TIME happens to be the best strategy to help kids know they matter. When you love them consistently. When you show up in their life week after week to demonstrate they are a priority to you. When you love them faithfully in spite of their behavior or their performance.

LOVE over TIME does something amazing. Love over TIME is the best way to give a childWORTH. And here’s something else to consider:

Maybe love matters more in the life of a kid than it does in the life of an adult.

This past year, I had two friends both take their lives. One was 23. One was 48. They both shared a common dilemma. They didn’t know how to love themselves. They were both smart, attractive, determined people who tried really hard at life. But something was broken when they were young that stacked the odds against them. I’m not qualified to explain how or why.

But here’s a point to consider. Kids need to learn to love themselves while they’re kids. Kids desperately need adults who will love them in a way that will convince them that they are worth something when they are young. If kids don’t feel loved when they are young, they may never love themselves in healthy way. And if they never learn to love themselves, they may ultimately self-destruct.

So, the way you love kids while they’re kids can dramatically affect their future.
That’s why we need more adults to step it up and Play for Keeps.

It’s time to get serious about loving the children around you.

Most research seems to suggest the younger the recipient, the more powerful the impact. So prove to them that they are loved while you have the chance.

And also, keep this in the back of your mind: the window of time in their life as kids and teenagers is a critical opportunity for us to give them the sense of worth and value they will need to face life as adults. If you are showing up in the life of kid or teenager each week, then what you are doing is extremely important – just remember how you love them now will affect how they feel loved later.

When it comes to love, if we are playing for keeps, then every time you see a puppy playing with a child remember what love over time can do.
Orangeparents.org

3 Practical Habits To Make Time Matter More

By Kristen Ivy

So time is moving. And it’s moving faster than you think.

What does that mean for you as a parent? How can you make the most of the limited amount of time that you have with your kids? How can you make sure that time isn’t getting away from you?

I certainly don’t know the answer to all those questions. But here are three pretty practical ideas that might be helpful:

COUNT IT DOWN
You don’t have to count down the seconds, or the minutes, or even the days. But maybe there is a value in counting your weeks. Because when you see how much time you have left, you tend to get serious about the time you have now.

So create a visual reminder. Have a countdown clock. In my family, we have two jars of marbles—one for each child. Inside each jar are enough marbles to represent the number of weeks that we will have with them before their high school graduation (we hope – fingers crossed for passing every grade). Every Sunday, I remove a marble from each jar as a reminder that our time is limited. Removing the marble doesn’t do anything special for my kids. But it does something for me mentally. It reminds me that time is moving. And because I know my weeks are numbered, I tend to make what matters matter more.

*A really simple way to keep track of the number of weeks you have left with your son or daughter is to download the FREE Legacy Countdown App!

MARK IT UP
Some parents are naturally wired to schedule things. Some (like me) are not. But regardless of how scheduled or unscheduled you are, you probably have a calendar or a notebook or a napkin somewhere that helps you remember what you need to do.

As a working mom, I am constantly filling my days with meetings, and deadlines, and tasks that feel really urgent. But if I’m not intentional, that’s ALL that will get space on my calendar. So, once every month or so, I look at my calendar and schedule the things that no one is asking me to schedule. I mark up the calendar with things like:
go on a date with Sawyer.
take the kids to the park.
have a movie night.
That may sound silly. But by “marking it up,” it reserves the time. Because I know the weeks are limited. I need a reminder to make the weeks count.

MEASURE IT OUT
Every day isn’t a special day. In fact, most days are pretty typical. But one of the best ways to make the most of every week is to create some habits. There are just some things that are inherently part of the rhythm of our world. And by creating some intentional rhythms, we can make the days and the weeks count a little more.

So if you want to make your time count, don’t undervalue the simple things:

What do you do every morning at breakfast?
What if part of your breakfast routine just became looking for ways to encourage?

When do you eat together?
You don’t have to make a home-cooked meal to have a conversation. What if one meal a day was media-free time when you were intentional about having a conversation with your child?

What’s the last thing you do before they go to bed at night?
Every day ends the same way. We go to bed. So what’s your bedtime routine? How do you make the most of the moments right before your son or daughter drifts off to sleep?

I know there are people reading this blog who are smarter than me and parents who are just better at this TIME thing than I am. So what are your habits? How do you make the most of your TIME? How do you Count it Down, Mark it Up, and Measure it out. I’d love to learn from you!