A New Level

 

 

Have you ever been at a point in your faith walk where it seems God is withholding external blessings?  God is working in you to hone your faith so that it is more focused on Him then on the receiving of an outward blessing.  Will you still praise God as God if He withholds outward blessings?

 

God wants a genuine relationship with each one of us.  Do you want your children to love you based on what material thing you give them?  Can you imagine your child only doing what is expected of them if they are given a toy each time?  I don't think so ~ we want love to be real and that is what God wants too.  God will engineer our circumstances so that we experience emptiness to raise our faith to a higher level.  Even if we see no external blessings, we still need to praise God as God.  He gave His only Son to die on the cross for us so that we would not have to suffer eternal death, and this is not because of anything we've done!  Until we can understand that that is the ultimate prize, God will keep taking us to those empty places.  He wants our faith to come up to a whole new level.  Don't let the dark times in your life send you into a tailspin, instead, continue to praise God as God.  He is sovereign, He loves you, and He is right there beside you.

 

John 16:33

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

 

*Reference "Utmost For His Highest" April 4 devotion

 

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for the gift of Your Son. Remind us daily that even if we never see another external blessing, Your Son is ALL that matters and we will continue to praise You in ALL circumstances.

 

Philippians 3: 13-15

Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.  All of us, then, who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you.

YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG

Twice in the past several weeks while out with my husband and boys, random people have stopped to “critique” something we were doing involving our parenting. The first time I was proud of both my inward and outward reaction. I recovered remarkably fast—if I don’t say so myself. The second time, not so much. I was pretty mad. And truth be told—hurt. By strangers. Who didn’t know me or my family.

It reminded me of what I have come to learn repeatedly in the journey of raising kids. Parenting is personal.If you want to do the most damage or inflict the most hurt, talk about the way they do their family. It’s an instant wound.

No one sets out to be a bad parent. We learn as we go—usually more painfully aware than anyone else is of our own failings. So when someone else calls into question the fragile framework we have worked so hard to construct around and for and with our tiny clan, it exposes more than just a chink in our armor. It exposes a part of our soul. We’re working at this the best we can. We’re putting our best foot forward, and all of us—well, a lot of us—are uncomfortably aware of the watching eyes of others—maybe not ready to call us out, but at the very least inwardly judging our every move.

Which makes parenting not only personal, but much more exhausting than it already is by nature.

But maybe the most unsettling thing about having someone critique how you parent is coming to terms with the fact that they may be right. This is hard. Because as parents, getting this wrong feels like the worst kind of wrong.

Like everybody, I approached parenthood with fear and trembling. I read the books, visited the websites, and talked to others farther along, making each decision with painstaking forethought and research. I wanted to feel good—certain—in the way we decided to do things. But like most people, I found “certain” checked itself at the door as soon as my first child arrived. Nothing is certain. Nobody has all the answers.

And when the things we thought were mountains worth dying on seem less and less important. . .
And when the things we swore we would do, or wouldn’t do, seem a lot more gray. . .
it’s humbling.

Even more when your uncertainty replaces your certainty so much so, that it isn’t just something you bear internally, but it marks you externally. And someone calls you out on it.

Thankfully, the apostle Peter got something right that’s gotten some good mileage in our family lately.Above all, he writes, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins (1Peter 4:8). That I can get right. That, even when I’m doing “it” wrong—whatever it may be—gives me hope and my children potential. I can get it wrong in a lot of ways and still get it right in the most important way.

 I can love my kids. Deeply. And the power of this kind of love can overpower the damage of the multitude of sins I am unintentionally committing. Let’s stop torturing ourselves—and each other—over the ways we’ve decided to raise our children. Let’s give each other a break. Let’s stop taking shots at each other, and start agreeing on the fundamentals.
We love our kids.

We’ve got that in common. We’re going to mess up. A lot. Most of the time we are going to know when we do, and chances are what we say to ourselves on the inside when that happens is a lot harsher than anyone else on the outside would ever have the guts to say to our face.

But love, thank God, covers a multitude of sins. Yours. Mine. Our kids.

Love, we can agree on, matters above all. So let’s land there, and stay there. And give each other a lot of freedom for every thing else that follows that.

Find a parent you can encourage this week. And then find a way you can cut yourself a break when it comes to the pressures and expectations of parenthood.
Orangeparents.org

Guilt-less Lessons of Love

We all want to teach our kids to put others before themselves and treat others the way they want to be treated. But how in the world do you do that? That is, how do you do it without using “that” voice: the condescending, “feel guilty, feel very guilty, and now do what I tell you to do out of robotic obligation” voice?

Recently my husband brought me a gift. The box was white, rectangular, and had an apple on the top. I couldn’t have been more excited even if it had been a jewelry box.

It was a new iPhone. We didn’t really have money to spare for it, but he knew I had been longing for a phone with a better camera for family pictures and also for a year-long volunteer project I had committed to that needed to be done with excellence.

Four days later when I pulled my brand new phone out of my purse to check the time, there was a hair on it. But the hair didn’t move when I brushed it. I squinted my eyes and looked closer then felt something in the pit of my stomach. It was a top-to-bottom crack. I was so upset, especially when I found out there was no repairing or replacing the phone without incurring a substantial expense.

I. Was. Devastated.

Later that evening, my daughter confessed that she might have been responsible for the crack when she snuck into our room to see my new phone and dropped it face-down on the floor. Anger and disappointment flooded over me.

Knowing that we were focusing on loving each other by treating others the way we wanted to treated this month helped me craft my response. I want to help be a “learning tool” for the kids.

So, I took a deep breath, swallowed the “I’m so disappointed in you, I can’t believe you did that, you broke my new phone” speech that had welled up in my gut and instead spoke my “lesson-teaching” words.

“It’s okay. I forgive you. I’m so thankful that you were honest with me. And you’re so much more important to me than a phone.” And at that point I couldn’t finish my sentence because I had to fight back unexpected tears. All of a sudden I realized that I truly meant the words I had originally intended to be a lesson to my kids.

Although I had aimed to set an example and be a teacher in that moment, I was the one learning the lesson. Teaching our kids to love others starts with us. And it’s something we will always be learning and re-learning together.

Anything that we are attempting to instill in our children must genuinely be a part of who we are or what we are attempting to live out, especially when the floor cracks the iPhone, because the floor will crack the iPhone.

When we respond in love, we are setting the ultimate example for our children to put others before themselves and treat them the way they want to be treated.

And when the day comes that you back your car over their precious texting machine, maybe, just maybe, you’ll hear: “It’s okay, mom, I forgive you. And you’re more important to me than my phone.”

Orangeparents.org

God's Assurance

 

 



 Fear -- it grips us tightly, it consumes our thinking, it can make us feel hopeless and helpless. Tomorrow my dad will be going for a lung scan after completing a very difficult round of chemo.  It's hard not to fear the worst.  This morning I opened up Oswald Chamber's "Utmost for His Highest" to find the devotion for today is titled "God's Assurance".  This is an excerpt of what I read:

God says, "I will never leave you," so that then I "may boldly say, 'The Lord is my helper; I will not fear'" (Heb. 13:5-6) In other words, I will not be obsessed with apprehension. This does not mean that I will not be tempted by fear, but I will remember God's word of assurance. I will be full of courage, like a child who strives to reach the standard his father has set for him. The faith of many people begins to falter when apprehensions enter their thinking and they forget the meaning of God's assurance -- they forget to take a deep spiritual breath.  The only way to remove the fear from our lives is to listen to God's assurance to us.

 

 

  John 4:18 (NIV)

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
 

 Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for reminding me of your love and assurance!

Psalm 89 - A Covenant Forever

Psalm 69 - Calling for Help while walking through Life

Psalm 64 - Words Matter

Psalm 63 - God sustains Life!

Psalm 62 - Our God = Strong and Loving

Psalm 44 - For God's Sake we can face Anything!

Your Imperfect Christmas is a Front Row Seat

It’s no secret that Christmas can be one of the most stressful times of the year.

And the tension is that by this point, Christmas Eve, all the ‘how to avoid stress’ tips from the I’ve-got-everything-together-why-don’t-you people seem too little too late:
Start your shopping early. (Some of you are reading this on your phone at the mall. There are three more shopping hours till Christmas, right?)
Eat in moderation. (But you’ve already been to six Christmas parties, and Christmas has barely begun.)
Spend less. (You tried. Really tried.)
Don’t say ‘yes’ to every family gathering. (But how could you say ‘no’? And now your holiday is anything but a vacation.)

I could go on, but it wouldn’t be helpful. The truth is that no matter how much we plan ahead, there is stress associated with the holidays. Which is incredibly good news. Especially given that it’s Christmas. The stress you’re feeling this Christmas (or the grief, or the emptiness) is exactly why Christmas arrived in the first place.

Jesus arrived on the planet not because we had it all together, but because we didn’t.

Jesus wasn’t born into a world where everyone got along perfectly.

Jesus didn’t come for us because we were exceptionally well organized and on budget.

Jesus didn’t come into a world where families were perfectly behaved.

Jesus didn’t arrive on earth because spouses got along beautifully and never argued.

Jesus didn’t move into a world where people worshipped without ever doubting.

He came into a world that desperately needed GRACE. What if your imperfect Christmas is actually a front row seat to grace?

Grace is a much misunderstood concept. It’s never earned. It’s not deserved. Because if it were, it wouldn’t be grace. Grace is simply undeserved love. Love that came to you not because you’ve got it oh-so-together, but because you don’t. That’s Christmas. That’s the Gospel.

And if you look hard enough, it’s actually in the tension this Christmas where you might see grace the most clearly:

At dinner with that terribly awkward relative. Grace never discriminates. Grace is favor that is unmerited, and your favor can be too.

When the kids expect too much. In the same way that you get frustrated with the expectations of your kids, God must at times get frustrated with the expectations we bring to him. Yet his love remains.

When you see the homeless. Jesus was born in a feeding trough, and the announcement of his birth went to common shepherds. God has a heart for His people.

In your exhaustion. Grace comes when we need it most. . .and it never runs out.

Sure, it would be nice if we did a little better next year. But that should never kill the joy, the power or the message of Christmas. In fact, it underscores it.

The surprise of Christmas is this: it speaks to us in our weakness even more than it speaks to us in our strength. And because of your imperfect Christmas, you might have a front row seat to see what Christmas is actually all about.

So Merry Christmas!

Psalm 36 - The Character of God Creates the Character of Oneself

Keep your Bible's out and follow along as Psalm 36 is put to song!

What Every Kid Wants

It’s really simple. Every kid wants to have fun. I was reminded of that fact last week when kids showed up for Thanksgiving at my house. We had worked on decorating, arranging enough food to feed twenty plus adults, and creating the right playlist of classic holiday tunes. Then at the last minute, we ran by and picked up a few age appropriate toys for the only two children that would be present. One was two and one was seven. I set up two individual small tables with a couple of items that I figured would probably be ignored.

I just have this basic philosophy that whenever a kid walks into any home, he or she is asking the question, “What is there fun to do here?” It will probably be followed at some point by another question, “What is here that I like to eat?” By the way, just in case you don’t know, most kids don’t like turkey. The point is if you are the adult responsible for hosting an event in your home, you are a child’s only hope not be trapped in a boring space—one of any child’s greatest fears. Maybe that’s because several hours of football and meaningful conversations seems like an eternity for a seven-year-old.

So it was exciting to see the eyes of a two-year-old light up when he spotted the table full of cars across the room. It confirmed what I suspect is true about every child. They are hard-wired to play. And the one thing they will probably remember about your house, about your holidays, about their time with you will have to do with fun. Am I over-simplifying? Not at all. Kids are not that complicated. They want to have fun. And it’s the gauge they will ues to measure. . .

Church
School
Uncles
And your house.

It’s really all about the fun. I’ll even make another suggestion. You should put this somewhere so you can remember it.

If it’s not fun, kids will not want to be there very long.

This principle actually applies to ever life stage of your kids. It’s the joy factor that makes you home attractive or not attractive. As your kids grow up, you should work harder and harder to keep plenty of laughter and fun in your home environment. That’s why fun should be just as much a priority for adults as it is for kids.

Creating a powerful play history with kids could be the most important thing you do to nurture your relationship with them.

They will remember the fun. Ask one seven-year-old what he remembers about thanksgiving at our house this year. I think he will probably say something about the legos not the turkey.

What are some of your best ideas to keep things fun for kids who show up at your house during the holidays?

Psalm 31 - Our Lives are in the hands of the LORD!

Psalm 23 - My: Counting, Guiding, Rescuing, Protecting Shepherd

Years ago I was shown this video and every time I come to Psalm 23, I see this little girl speaking the precious Word of God, take a look!

Psalm 21 - The Chesed (loving kindness) of the Most High

I meditated on the song below as I read verse 7 of Psalm 21 today - "For the king trusts in the LORD; through the unfailing love of the Most High HE WILL NOT BE SHAKEN!!"

THE GIFT OF WORDS - WORDS MATTER

By Kristen Ivy

“Did you know . . ?”

“Has anyone ever told you . . ?”

I don’t know your story, but if I had to guess you can remember a time when someone said something to you that started something like that. The funny thing is that so often these life-changing phrases are followed by something that seems more ordinary than extraordinary—at least to the one who speaks them.

About ten years ago, I started my career as a High School English teacher. And I’ll never forget this one student from my third period class. He was quiet, unsocial, and on a number of medications. He usually wore a volcom sweatshirt, kept his head down and never participated. Then one day, he turned in a story I was sure he had plagiarized. This story was so good, so well-written, I just knew it couldn’t be his work.

After hours of investigating, I discovered that it was his writing. So I did what any teacher would have done: I told him he was a good writer.

A year into college, he wrote me this letter:

Prior to my sophomore year, I really had no idea as to where I would be going in life. My depression among other things was a factor in that, but I really didn’t see what sort of skill I had that would be beneficial to society, I felt as if I had nothing to offer.

Well, I finally discovered that skill (which ultimately lead to others) when you gave me a few words of encouragement after reading that convoluted little story I turned in as a creative writing assignment. Everything and Nothing was its name, and it was the worst thing that I have ever written. But, this terrible little story contained something unseen to myself, but not to you. You said I had “potential”.

He went on to talk about his newfound confidence because when he started writing… he discovered something about his potential.

It changed the way he saw himself.

It moved him in a better direction.

That’s what words do. They move us in a direction.

Most of the time kids don’t just discover they are gifted musicians, talented artists, great writers, smart programmers, skilled athletes, articulate communicators . . .

Someone tells them. Someone comes along and says:

“Hey, did you know . . ?”

“I’ve noticed this about you . . .”

“Has anyone ever told you . . ?”

Every kid needs to discover their unique potential. A generation of twenty-somethings are growing up with a lack of direction because they aren’t sure what they are gifted to do. As parents, our words probably won’t guarantee our children’s admission to an ivy league college or first draft pick in the NBA, BUT we do have an unbelievable opportunity to speak words into our children’s lives that will set them up to win. Our words can help them discover who they were created to be and how they can offer something meaningful to the world. Our words can help them begin to define who they are and discover new things about their gifts and talents.

So – This week – give your kid the gift of WORDS. Tell them something that will move them in a direction.

TIME MATTERS

By Kristen Ivy

I hate the clock.

No. Really. My stepdad collects them. But I ignore them. Ask anyone who knows me at all. When it comes to time management, I’m the worst they’ve ever met. If I tell you, “I’ll be there in five,” it usually means I still need to transfer clothes to the dryer, look for my phone, get the kids dressed for school, brush my teeth, look for my keys, put the kids in the car, go back inside the house to find my phone, and then I will be on my way. It still hasn’t sunk in yet—all of THAT might take longer than five minutes.

In my daily fight against the clock, there’s a couple of things I’ve learned:

Time is moving. I can’t stop it. I can’t trick it. I can’t manipulate, cajole, or woo it to change. Time moves at it’s own pace regardless of my schedule or my priorities.

There may be no better example of how time moves than watching a kid grow up.This past year, my son turned four. That may not sound like a big deal to you. But I promise you, he was born yesterday. It’s like in the “five minutes” it took me to get out of the house for the day, he learned to talk, ride a bike, and tell knock-knock jokes. For some reason, this birthday hit me in a new way.

The day before, I just kept thinking “this is the last day I will ever know Sawyer as a three-year-old. Tomorrow, he will be four.” And I wondered, “Did we do everything we should have done for him in this season of his life?”

Do you have those moments, too? That’s when the panic sets in. Right?

Most of the time, I’m not thinking about how fast he is growing. But then, something happens like a birthday or a first day of school. . . And there’s that moment of panic. What if I missed a step?

That’s why I love Psalm 90:12. “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”

Actually, I’m not really sure what that’s supposed to mean: “to number your days.” It sounds a little fatalistic. But I do know that as parents, we have a limited number of days to influence our children before they grow up, move out, and become adults.

But that doesn’t have to make us panic. When we number the days, it can actually help us relax—because we know the number of days. We can pay attention. We don’t have to wait and feel surprised when they turn eight, and twelve, and fifteen and twenty-two. We see it coming and trust that the investments we make today are having a lasting impact.

So this week – relax.

You don’t have to make the most of every minute with your kid. You can’t. It’s just not possible. And if you try, it might drive you and everyone around you crazy.

But you can make the most of each week. By showing up in their world and being present, you are creating history with them. You are making memories that will lay a foundation for their future.

By being present this week, you are reminding them they have value, they are a unique individual, they belong and have purpose.

You are making small investments that will add up over time because TIME has a cumulative effect.

So keep doing what you are doing.

The clock is ticking, but the good news is that TIME may be the best platform you have for investing in the life of your son or daughter. What you do this week matters.

For 3 more practical ideas on how to make your time count visit an older post entitled
3 Practical Habits To Make Time Matter More

Follow the rest of the conversation on Playing For Keeps as Reggie, Kristen, and others talk about the 6 things every kid needs over time. Over the next couple of weeks, we will continue to talk about how kids need Love, Words, Stories, Tribes, and Fun OVER TIME!

Dogs over time = Devotion

Last Friday marked another milestone in our family of adult children. My middle daughter Sarah graduated this weekend from art school with a degree in ‘Image.’ (A focus in photography and videography as you probably guessed). I think her dream job would be to spend the rest of her life taking pictures of people’s pets. I keep trying to explain that animals will probably not pay the bills, but she has an authentic love and appreciation for any breed of canines.

You have to admit, dogs have a unique ability to make you feel like you matter when no one else in the world seems to care. They are confidential, uncritical and constant. I have watched all my kids grow up with dogs as faithful companions. There were times I got the sense that those dogs knew things I would never find out. A good dog over time can show you what devotion looks like. It’s interesting how the right pooch can seem to meet an intrinsic need that people have to feel loved.Maybe that’s because we are all created to need LOVE. That means the kids and teenagers around you were also designed to love and be loved. So, you are in a unique position to demonstrate the incredible thing that LOVE over TIME can really do in the life of a kid.

That’s why LOVE over TIME happens to be the best strategy to help kids know they matter. When you love them consistently. When you show up in their life week after week to demonstrate they are a priority to you. When you love them faithfully in spite of their behavior or their performance.

LOVE over TIME does something amazing. Love over TIME is the best way to give a childWORTH. And here’s something else to consider:

Maybe love matters more in the life of a kid than it does in the life of an adult.

This past year, I had two friends both take their lives. One was 23. One was 48. They both shared a common dilemma. They didn’t know how to love themselves. They were both smart, attractive, determined people who tried really hard at life. But something was broken when they were young that stacked the odds against them. I’m not qualified to explain how or why.

But here’s a point to consider. Kids need to learn to love themselves while they’re kids. Kids desperately need adults who will love them in a way that will convince them that they are worth something when they are young. If kids don’t feel loved when they are young, they may never love themselves in healthy way. And if they never learn to love themselves, they may ultimately self-destruct.

So, the way you love kids while they’re kids can dramatically affect their future.
That’s why we need more adults to step it up and Play for Keeps.

It’s time to get serious about loving the children around you.

Most research seems to suggest the younger the recipient, the more powerful the impact. So prove to them that they are loved while you have the chance.

And also, keep this in the back of your mind: the window of time in their life as kids and teenagers is a critical opportunity for us to give them the sense of worth and value they will need to face life as adults. If you are showing up in the life of kid or teenager each week, then what you are doing is extremely important – just remember how you love them now will affect how they feel loved later.

When it comes to love, if we are playing for keeps, then every time you see a puppy playing with a child remember what love over time can do.
Orangeparents.org

3 Practical Habits To Make Time Matter More

By Kristen Ivy

So time is moving. And it’s moving faster than you think.

What does that mean for you as a parent? How can you make the most of the limited amount of time that you have with your kids? How can you make sure that time isn’t getting away from you?

I certainly don’t know the answer to all those questions. But here are three pretty practical ideas that might be helpful:

COUNT IT DOWN
You don’t have to count down the seconds, or the minutes, or even the days. But maybe there is a value in counting your weeks. Because when you see how much time you have left, you tend to get serious about the time you have now.

So create a visual reminder. Have a countdown clock. In my family, we have two jars of marbles—one for each child. Inside each jar are enough marbles to represent the number of weeks that we will have with them before their high school graduation (we hope – fingers crossed for passing every grade). Every Sunday, I remove a marble from each jar as a reminder that our time is limited. Removing the marble doesn’t do anything special for my kids. But it does something for me mentally. It reminds me that time is moving. And because I know my weeks are numbered, I tend to make what matters matter more.

*A really simple way to keep track of the number of weeks you have left with your son or daughter is to download the FREE Legacy Countdown App!

MARK IT UP
Some parents are naturally wired to schedule things. Some (like me) are not. But regardless of how scheduled or unscheduled you are, you probably have a calendar or a notebook or a napkin somewhere that helps you remember what you need to do.

As a working mom, I am constantly filling my days with meetings, and deadlines, and tasks that feel really urgent. But if I’m not intentional, that’s ALL that will get space on my calendar. So, once every month or so, I look at my calendar and schedule the things that no one is asking me to schedule. I mark up the calendar with things like:
go on a date with Sawyer.
take the kids to the park.
have a movie night.
That may sound silly. But by “marking it up,” it reserves the time. Because I know the weeks are limited. I need a reminder to make the weeks count.

MEASURE IT OUT
Every day isn’t a special day. In fact, most days are pretty typical. But one of the best ways to make the most of every week is to create some habits. There are just some things that are inherently part of the rhythm of our world. And by creating some intentional rhythms, we can make the days and the weeks count a little more.

So if you want to make your time count, don’t undervalue the simple things:

What do you do every morning at breakfast?
What if part of your breakfast routine just became looking for ways to encourage?

When do you eat together?
You don’t have to make a home-cooked meal to have a conversation. What if one meal a day was media-free time when you were intentional about having a conversation with your child?

What’s the last thing you do before they go to bed at night?
Every day ends the same way. We go to bed. So what’s your bedtime routine? How do you make the most of the moments right before your son or daughter drifts off to sleep?

I know there are people reading this blog who are smarter than me and parents who are just better at this TIME thing than I am. So what are your habits? How do you make the most of your TIME? How do you Count it Down, Mark it Up, and Measure it out. I’d love to learn from you!